My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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