my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
