Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
