Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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