We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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