this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
