is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You ate ashes out of my bong
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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