Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
