Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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