not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
two words: eviction party
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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