Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I die, sorry about rent.
You ruined the universe
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
