she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
