I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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