This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
