Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
