id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
