Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
