yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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