If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
