So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
