I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
