My first STD was from a foam party
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
