im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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