I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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