I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
