Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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