She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
