My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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