All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
BRING THE BAGELS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
