Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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