when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's never too late to be topless.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
