the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
