so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
