If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
