Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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