My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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