Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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