Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
