oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
