Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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