Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
