Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
