so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
