Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
