Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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