I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
