I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
