so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
