Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
