I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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