dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
