I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
